Communication can be a key issue. However, if you have children involved in your separation or divorce, communication with the other parent may be necessary for many years to come. Learning how to effectively and efficiently communicate allows for conflict resolution and more peace for you, your children, and your entire family. Often when parents struggle to communicate, or are considered “high-conflict,” attorneys will ask for assistance from a neutral third party called a Parenting Coordinator.

A Parenting Coordinator can be a useful resource in helping resolve disagreements and also in helping the parties learn how to communicate better. A Parenting Coordinator is appointed by the Court; however, the parties can also let the Court know that they consent to appointment of the Parenting Coordinator. Although not free, the parties generally split the cost of the Parenting Coordinator equally. If the parties were otherwise utilizing attorneys for their respective disagreements, the split cost of a Parenting Coordinator would generally result in lower fees to the parties. In many instances, the Parenting Coordinator is also a family law attorney that has special training in conflict resolution in high-conflict custody matters.

Once a Parenting Coordinator has become involved in a case, he or she usually has an individual meeting with each party to learn more about the issues in the case, the children, and overall communication habits. Once those individual meetings have been completed, the Parenting Coordinator may opt for a joint session with both parties to discuss ongoing issues. The Parenting Coordinator will likely discuss better options for communication and resolving disagreements. At times, the Parenting Coordinator can discuss specific communication techniques and review communications between parties. This could include reviewing emails between parties and helping the parties rephrase concerns or approach the issue in a different manner.

However, if the parties continue to fail with communication efforts or resolving disagreements, North Carolina General Statute §50-92 grants the Parenting Coordinator authority to make certain decisions for the children. This could include, but is not limited to the following issues:

• Transition time, pickup, or delivery.
• Sharing of vacations and holidays.
• Method of pickup and delivery.
• Transportation to and from visitation.
• Participation in child or day care and babysitting.
• Bed time.
• Diet.
• Clothing.
• Recreation.
• Before- and after-school activities.
• Extracurricular activities.
• Discipline.
• Health care management.
• Alterations in schedule that do not substantially interfere with the basic time-share agreement.
• Participation in visitation, including significant others or relatives.
• Telephone contact.
• Alterations to appearance, including tattoos or piercings.
• The child's passport.
• Education.

While a Parenting Coordinator is involved in the case, the parties should still maintain their respective, individual attorneys because the Parenting Coordinator does not legally represent either party or the child. Instead, Parenting Coordinators can be called to testify at trial and may serve as a witness against the interest of one or both of the parties. It is common that a Parenting Coordinator is appointed for at least one year to attempt to help the parties resolve their differences and learn how to communicate. Although extremely difficult at times, your family law attorney and a Parenting Coordinator can be invaluable resources to help communication and ease conflict for the betterment of your family and children.

If you believe a Parenting Coordinator may help your custody situation, our Modern Legal Team is here to help.

Please note: these educational materials are based on North Carolina law where my legal practice is based. While the insights may have wide applicability, readers should consult with an attorney regarding the specific laws in their state or country. 

Written by: Megan S. White